THE DAY I MET THE SON

The Day I Met the Son


Why does morning come so early in the day? It’s so beautiful and peaceful at this hour I wish it came later so I could enjoy it better, like around noon and after five cups of sugar enriched java. After unzipping my sleeping bag, stretching my arms over my head, and yawning gigantically for good measure I decided it was time to tackle my morning hike. I was off for the week so I had grabbed my camping gear and took off for some much needed rest and relaxation and a chance to reconnect with God who I felt I had misplaced somewhere along the way between work and my daily routines. Though at this moment as I gazed upon the mountain in front of me through the tent’s opening, I was having an inner dialogue with myself. Boy did that mountain look tall and treacherous and did this sleeping bag feel warm and secure. If I shillyshallied much longer I would lose the benefits of the morning coolness and regret not getting an early start. Besides, Scruffy, my terrier, was at this moment wiggling and jiggling all around my head licking all exposed parts of my face, ears, and neck with his foul morning breath. He was definitely more of a morning creature than I. Boy were we a mismatched twosome.


I may be a temporary fugitive from civilization but I hadn’t forsaken my coffee addiction so my hike would be delayed long enough for me to do a short bible reading and percolate some coffee the old fashioned way, over a campfire, while Scruffy enjoyed his morning romp with the wild life and his pet squirrel Rocky who had also accompanied us on this outing. Rocky was semi-domesticated but was a faithful little fellow who had adopted us after we saved his live from drowning in our pool and he seldom ventured far from our little clique.


“Okay guys, let’s hit the trail.” I used that term loosely as there were no trails since we weren’t at any public park. I just picked this mountain for its distance from any major population center.

I adjusted my back pack, filled with all kinds of emergency supplies, like my coffee thermos,(that was the first item on my list next to my bottle of wine) trail mix, doggy treats , nuts, water bottles, sandwiches, a first aid kit and booklet, binoculars (in case God was out of focus), my bible and cell phone,(which was absolutely useless as it was getting no service, but maybe it would when I got to the top,) then headed up the base of the mountain searching for something of a footpath and decided I was going to have to be creative and assume straight up was the only way to go. Scruffy jetted off in front of me playing tour guide while Rocky skittered up into the tree tops to be the real guide. Why not follow them, after all animals have a good sense of direction, don’t they. Besides the direction they took was as good as any.

The mountain was thick with wild bush and trees of varying sizes that blocked me from the sun. No need for SPF on this trip, at least not till I arrived at the summit. The incline wasn’t very steep, but I still used tree trunks to pull myself up from time to time cutting a notch in a trunk every so often so I could find my way back. It took me a few times to realize I should notch the opposite side as that would be the direction I’d be returning. Duh. I wasn’t worried, remember, I have Scruffy and Rocky. They’ll get us back to base camp.

About an hour into my hike I heard voices off to my left so I navigated in that direction and discovered four men through the labyrinth of tree trunks. They were youngish, bearded men wearing sandals and tunics with broad cloth belts, cloth satchels hung over their shoulders, they actually looked like religious zealots of some sort and generally appeared harmless. From what I could hear they were chatting amiably amongst themselves about the leader’s father who was some sort of important person somewhere. I didn’t want to take any chances being a lone female, the news is too full of unbelievable acts of violence towards my gender so I steered myself back to my trail and left them to theirs. Of course however, Scruffy had different notions. He sensed the prospect of new friends, which is out of his character as he shies away from interlopers as a rule, and scampered over to them despite my hoarse whispers calling him back, so much for trying to stay unnoticed. 


Dad gum it. I had to reveal myself and go collect my dog that was being abundantly petted and “oohed” over by the four strangers. They really couldn’t be bad after all if they loved dogs. Oh, and now Rocky had to get his share of attention. He had run up the shoulder of Lead Guy and was chittering in his ear. Lead Guy didn’t appear the least flabbergasted to have a “wild” animal attach itself to him. It was then I noticed my surroundings. Wild life of all sorts seemed to be coming out of their dens and tagging along behind the foursome. Foxes, possums, squirrels, birds, and fauna I couldn’t identify. Eerie.

“Hey, I’m sorry for the intrusion, if you’ll just let me have Rocky back we’ll be getting along.”

“You’re not intruding, in fact your welcome to join us, I’m Joshua, and these are my friends Pete, John and his brother James. We are taking a little break from the world but we would enjoy your company.”

“That’s kind of you but I’m looking for a little peace and alone time myself so I’ll just be getting out of your way,” I said reaching for Rocky who definitely preferred his present position on Lead Guy. He didn’t come to me cooperatively as he strenuously clung to Lead Guy. How embarrassing that I was second choice all of a sudden.

It also took a few minutes of coaxing Scruffy to follow me before we headed back to my imaginary pathway and up the mountain once again, passing nature’s mysteriously gathering petting zoo along the way. I even saw a cougar crawling up in a submissive posture, I circumnavigated cautiously away from him/her. What was with these guys that animals clustered around them?


Once we got past the growing crowd of wildlife we made tremendous progress on our trek, with Rocky in the lead as he was able to jump from tree to tree,  until a huge bird plunged down and snatched Rocky and took to the wild blue yonder with a squealing Rocky in its talons.

OMG! We’ve lost Rocky! This is horrible. This is a lost cause, he’s dinner now. Scruffy became hysterical….and he wasn’t the only one. I ran in the direction the bird had vanished to not knowing how I could possibly rescue Rocky this time. Looking up for the bird’s nest as I ran, I was bumping into trees, tripping over vines and roots, being scratched and bruised with my hair getting tangled in the low hanging branches. Scruffy had jetted off in the opposite direction howling loudly. Now I was sure I had lost both of my pets and myself; we would never find each other again or the way home. All because I had an insane need to get away for a while and find God I lost my fur babies and my direction.

Minutes later as I sat on a log crying, beaten and defeated, the foursome emerged from the thicket coming up behind the frontrunner, Scruffy. Scruffy had gone to them for help. Calmly Lead Guy stood still and raised his right arm, bent at the elbow then whistled. I heard rustling above and the bird glided down….with Rocky still in his talons looking wide eyed. Bird dropped the uninjured Rocky into Lead Guy’s hands and perched on a boulder at his feet. It was a huge eagle. Lead Guy gently handed Rocky over to me and had a discussion with Eagle who lowered his head and then flew away once more, empty “taloned”.

What just happened? Awesome. Spectacular. Spooky.

After I caught my breath, and dried my tears, I muttered some thank you’s and excused myself again from the quartet while hugging Rocky fiercely. I just wanted to get safely to the mountain top, find God and go home. Before continuing I made use of my first aid kit to treat my cuts and bruises then I continued my journey with Rocky safely tucked in my back pack, with only his head exposed so he could breathe. I promised myself I would never bring pets with me on any another expedition.

I reached the summit shortly before midday and found a soft comfortable place in the shade out of the afternoon heat to lay out a blanket and unpack lunch; sandwiches,chips for me, nuts and canned dog food for my little buddies. I sat there with my two furry companions and reflected on the seclusion and admired the breathtaking scenery, the greenness of the world around me, and the crisp fresh air, surely God was up here. I pulled out my bottle of wine and some crackers and partook of a private communion with a reading from my bible and waited to hear from God. And waited. And waited.

Then I saw them again. The foursome, with their increasing following of creatures. It sure was getting crowded up here, would I ever be able to get away from civilization? They were on the mountain top over to the north of me. Oh well, they weren’t very close and couldn’t feasibly see me but darn if they weren’t interfering with my desire to be alone with God.

It wasn’t long before the day’s trek and emotional shock from losing Rocky and regaining him caught up with me: I dozed off from mental and physical exhaustion and maybe, just maybe from the wine.

I woke to find myself swathed in an unexpected and refreshing cool fog. Scruffy and Rocky were sitting to my left with their attention directed towards the north  where the  impermeable condensation was thicker. As I watched it slowly lifted and revealed the foursome still there. No wait. There were two more men. Older men with long white beards in the same ancient looking tunics holding staffs and a primeval looking scroll talking spiritedly to Lead Guy whose three comrades were standing back looking as stunned as I was.(I was spying on them with my binoculars now).

 Where had these extra men come from? They didn’t look fit enough for the walk up a mountain. Suddenly Lead Guy and his clothing started to shine…glow was a better definition. Then the sound of thunder erupted from the haze and bolts of light flashed about. There were no thunderstorms reported on the weather channel, I checked before I came here so the only logical explanation I had for the glowing clothes, lights and extra men was an alien encounter. The rumbling from the fog almost sounded more like someone speaking. I was too far to make out the words but could see the three men fall to their knees and bow their heads. The man called Pete got up and started making a primitive shelter for the group just before I witnessed the two older bearded men….I can’t come up with a more accurate explanation than to say that  they evaporated into thin air. Were they beamed up to a mother ship hiding in the clouds?  I know what I saw, er, didn’t see. Scruffy and Rocky were my witnesses. They were tranquilly transfixed watching the action across the mountain. They didn’t appear to be afraid like they usually are during thunderstorms; this kept me calm .or should I say calm-ish.

 But just for extra courage I grabbed my wine bottle for one more swallow. Then passed out.

I don’t know how I did it but I made it back home before it got dark. Needless to say it took me less time to descend the mountain than it did to ascend it as I was disparate to return to the safety of my home and get away from the weird unearthly things happening on this trip, not to overlook the possibility of being beamed up to some other place.

 I was more than a little, no, I was very disappointed my weekend retreat was a major letdown. I had such good intentions to relax, enjoy nature and connect with God. Instead because of too much wine, overexertion and maybe too much sun I fell victim to some odd hallucinations.

Rocky and Scruffy were sitting by the car as I unloaded my gear. "I'm sorry guys that this trip was such a royal bust. I really had hopes of hooking up with God this weekend."

Wait. Did Scruffy just roll his eyes at me? Yes he did, and now he and Rocky are exchanging knowing looks and shrugging their shoulders in bewilderment. 

What's up with those two. What do they know that I don't? “What’s with you two?” I asked, “What do you know that I don’t know.” I hoped no one heard me questioning two fuzzy creatures. 

Once again Scruffy rolled his eyes at me as he went to my backpack, buried his snout deep inside and sniffed around. A few seconds later out popped his head with my bible in his mouth which he deposited on the concrete driveway in front of me. Then as if on cue a breeze passed over the book and turned the pages to Matthew 17. To be more precise to the words I had at some point in time underlined in verse 5 “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased. Hear Him!” 

I do believe now I had seen visitors from outer space. I think I need more wine.



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the rescue

The RESCUE

A guardian angel’s work is never done, I mumbled to myself as I perused my most recent assignment and stuffed the paperwork in my pocket; there are so many opportunities to provide comfort and interaction with the minerals that make up mortal bodies, the containers of God’s breath.  I peered down at the globe miles below my feet I and searched for my destination.

 Once the destination was located my next task was to decide on my wardrobe. What was I in the mood for today? It would help if I knew what season it was down there.  Blowing some of the haze away from my feet and peering downward I could see flowers in bloom, bunnies bouncing, butterflies flitting, bees pollenating, bear cubs exiting dens with their moms. Spring. Oh, I would never be seen but still I had panache for glitz and bling, a reputation to maintain. Of course there was the standard issue glowing white robe, that couldn’t be changed but it could be brilliantly accessorized, anything I could imagine would blend in well with basic white.  I pushed my head inside by closet, a hovering cloud that appeared much smaller on the outside than it was internally,(similar in affect to Dr. Who’s Tardis, an example  of trans dimensional engineering originally conceived by my Boss, the Big Guy himself) and scrutinized its contents. Ah, perfect. I reached for a wide brimmed all coral colored cocktail hat complete with intricate flowers, feathers and veil netting accents. It was a bit gaudy but was also definitely a statement piece. Oh, if I could only be seen for just a few seconds down there…but never mind…I must be an example to my coworkers. As it was they tended towards …friendly jealousy. After all not everyone had my flair but we all had special skills that complemented our teamwork. I grabbed a pair of leather strappy sandals that extended up the calves, also in coral, with layers of rhinestones. I had to hike my glowing white robe up just a teensy wee bit; however, to show off the foot wear. Picture-perfect.  Not that we can be photographed, though some have tried unsuccessfully ending up with at most only a bright glare on their cameras.

I headed to the takeoff platform where I meant the Boss making his rounds, shining bright as the sun…er…son. He glanced at me once then snapped his head back for a redo. One eyebrow raised and a lip corner started to quiver. I bowed ceremoniously sliding my hat down over my eyes, no, not on purpose. I could hear some giggles in the room but being blinded by the coral brim I could only assume they were giggling at something I couldn’t see. They wouldn’t dare be giggling at me…would they?

“Are you forgetting something?” Boss queried while obviously attempting to keep a straight face behind the nail scarred hand obscuring his mouth.

I did a mental check list. Hat. Shoes. Glitter. No, couldn’t think of anything. Oh, Oh.  Smacking my forehead I blinked out (an angelic maneuver, don’t try this on your own) and returned with the missing items and got in line for launch off.  Boss gifted me with one of his enigmatic smiles and continued on his rounds. No reprimand offered. None ever were. Whoosh and I was off…. holding on tightly to my bonnet with my two charges in tow.

I found myself on the back seat of a small vehicle, a PT cruiser I think, traveling along a freeway in Fort Worth, Texas. It was a tight fit for me, being somewhat above average height of, oh say…fifteen feet or so tall with a very expansive wing spread, and don’t forget the wide brimmed cocktail hat that got slightly scrunched up in the car. Thank God (literally) however that I was composed of material that adjusted to its surroundings with considerable ease, I thought after I pulled my upper torso down through the roof and squeezed my wings inside. One of my two charges landed in the passage seat up front and the other next to me. It was an extremely cozy fit but our human felt or sensed nothing, even though she was engaged in an animated conversation with ….I’m guessing with the memories of my two companions, if not them then she was a tad…peculiar to say the least and that info wasn’t passed on to me in my database.

Human was speaking about the landmarks she was passing, remembering days long gone when she visited each place; bank, home, mall, bookstore, VA clinic,  nail salon, movie tavern, restaurant, and lastly hospitals, with either her father or daughter who were now in the company of the other numerous departed souls in heaven but at present sitting next to her in this small square box of a car, brought down for a temporary field trip to see her because of the strong emotions wafting up to HIM allowing  for the departed souls to visit Human, though they were unable  interact, they were just there to provide support and a sense of presence.

 I tried to stretch my gigantic cramped wings out just a teensy bit and ended up knocking Father out onto the freeway. No problem, I reached out and grabbed him back in before he hit the pavement but not before a motorcycle whizzed through him. Daughter turned around to chuckle at the back seat commotion and I nodded towards Human so she’d refocus her attentions. After all we wouldn’t be here long and they both needed to be attentive.

Human was in a distraught frame of mind to put it mildly, feeling all the loneliness from the loss of her dwindling family circle crushing her soul. The unrelenting memories that popped up at every corner were overwhelming her, causing immense grief. It has been more than several mortal years since my charges had arrived upstairs but the pain for Human wasn’t lessening at the rate it should due to the constant reminders of her bereavement. She passed by to many landmarks daily to be able to forget her losses. Memories were consuming her, nibbling and eating at her core.

Father and Daughter exchanged glances, unable to process pain anymore they couldn’t have any empathy for Human, after all, they were happy and in their state of celestial being and living at the feet of Jehovah Almighty. What more could Human want for them? She couldn’t possibly want them to come back to this corporeal existence. Oh no. It seemed she was about to join them in their realm….by my calculations about….thirty years too soon. 

Human went on an on about her reminiscences, talking to the Daughter and Father as though they were really there, admitting she was angry with them for leaving her, as if they had a choice. Beginning to weep she reached out for a book that was lying on the passenger seat, under Daughter who Human’s hands went through as she grasped the leather book in her hands and clutched it to  her chest for comfort. It was a well-read book with many of her hand written notations. I could recite every word in that tome by heart. Human was hoping to leech some comfort from the pages of promises and hope.

Human was so emotional she was no longer concentrating on her driving. Tears were blinding her vision and the vehicle was serving awkwardly about the four lane thorough fare, car horns were bellowing loudly and persistently. And I could hear, with my exceptional hearing, the profanities the occupants were spewing at us.

I looked out the front window and saw the sharp turn up ahead. Come on….come on, I whispered to Human, start to steer the car to the ………Bang. Metal and concrete met; loudly. The road vanished from beneath the car as we soared up and over the side rail; air was all around us….then splash. I mean a capital SPLASH. It was now water that was all around us filling the car replacing the air. Daughter, Father and I floated out of the car and stood outside looking in. We were at the bottom of a large river with a swift current; the top was even above my head, and remember I’m at least fifteen feet tall. Human was strapped into the driver’s seat struggling to release the latch, bubbles jetting out of her mouth and eyes wide with fright, lungs briskly filling with dirty water. I reached in, undid the seat belt, wrenched open the driver’s side door, grabbed human under her arms and pulled her to the surface.  I don’t believe I’ll ever get used to the expressions on mortal faces when they see the incredible me, no matter how briefly, usually right before they die, I am pretty awesome after all. No, I’m not bragging, but I’m not blind either.

When I got Human to the bank, she staggered up the hill, sputtering and shivering, leaning (unknowingly) on Father and Daughter as people came scrambling down the incline amazed that there was a survivor of this horrific mercifully one vehicle accident. Human collapsed on the ground. Ambulance, fire trucks and police sirens wailed in the distance getting shriller and shriller. Paramedics appeared and lifted Human on a gurney, examining every inch of her for a concussion, broken bones, and lacerations. There was no sign of external injury and her vital signs were stable, but they administered some IV medication to sedate her the moment she tried to raise herself up and started gibbering about a colossal angel with a feathery coral colored cocktail hat rescuing her. I was offended she didn’t even mention my enormous wings; they are my best feature after all. The paramedics  rolled their eyes and exchanged glances over Human’s head just as she drifted off. The things some people see when they’re facing death, they’ve heard it all.

Bystanders were exploring the bank looking for other survivors because they swore they saw three sets of prints going up the slope before the gathering crowd had erased them. A bystander ran up to the ambulance before it took off with the leather book that Human had been clutching earlier . One of the paramedics accepted it and laid it on snoozing Human’s ribcage but not before a coral feather floated out. He reached down and replaced it inside Human’s bible and fingering his cross necklace in incredulity he  looked upward just in time to see three streaks of light shoot upwards; he swore that one streak, larger than the other two,  had a coral glittery tint to it. He looked over at his partner to say something but on second thought decided against it as the flying evidence had vanished out of the galaxy. And this is why our existence is questioned and dubbed hallucinationary (not sure that’s a word but I’ll use it anyway.) It’s also where faith comes in.

Meanwhile back upstairs Daughter and Father met with their expanding heavenly family circle of aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings to report on Human’s condition and to await her arrival which would be in a few seconds Standard Eternity Time but thirty five years Gregorian calendar time. Glad they had been there to witness the prevention of her way to early demise, after all it wasn’t HIS plan for her yet and HE always gets HIS way.

Standing in front of HIM with my river drenched, enormous wings drooping, sprig and leaf adorned gown clinging to my body, dirty water pooling at my feet on the gold brick cobblestones, my shoes filled with pebbles and river grit, my wide brimmed bonnet sagging down around my ears and resting on my shoulders I handed Boss my sopping assignment sheet stamped “Mission Complete” while my coworkers gathered around tittering. So much for my panache for glitz and bling.  One commented that a swimsuit might have been a better choice for the day’s activities. Boss kindly however asked no questions, after all, being a know it all; literally, he knew all the answers and circumstances. He just congratulated me on a job well done, silencing my coworkers with the look as the gathering separated for HIM to pass. Wait, did I see a smile cross HIS face also? HE was trying to get away before I noticed it. Oh Heck, I did have to admit I must look a comical sight. I couldn’t control myself any longer; my face started to twitch and I broke out laughing in uncontrollable merriment joined by  thousands of my closet friends.

Finally in my room I squeezed the river water out of my robe, sending a little spring shower downward, shook out my soggy all coral colored cocktail hat complete with intricate flowers, feathers and veil netting accents (minus a feather or two) and returned it to my closet, slipped out of my sandals, extended and retracted my wings, (ooh, that felt good) and leaned back in my soft cloudy chair with a glass of nectar; drained, me not the nector…yet. I certainly can’t wait for the redemption of all mankind and the full occupancy of heaven finalized. This guardian angel gig is rough on us millennial aged creations and our wardrobe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the puppet campout

Friday night a family of four head off on a camping trip which the father planned, hoping it would be a memorable event for everyone to remember in years to come. Dad had rented a canoe and had supplies hauled to their campsite by the Park Rangers.

Scene 1

Family is rowing down a river in a canoe for the family vacation,

Daughter complains about the dirty smelly water splashing in her face. “If I wanted to smell dirty water I could have stayed home and cleaned the bathroom.”

Son complains about having to row. “I didn’t know this was a working vacation.”

Mom, fanning herself  fighting off mosquitoes. “I sure hope we didn’t forget the bug spray!”

Dad rowing harder than son,” Come on guys, this will be fun, I promise.” Then he loses an oar.

Son, “Yeah, I’m having tons of fun rowing this thing by myself now.”

Daughter, looking over side of canoe “Yuck, I just saw a frog and I think it was wearing clothes.”

Son tries to scoop the frog out of water with his paddle onto his sister.

Daughter, “ MOM! Make him stop that!”

Dad, “It’s just a frog,”

Daughter (as Son continues to attempt to scoop frog into canoe) “A frog with CLOTHES!”            

Mom, to son, “Behave.” Then to daughter, “Frogs don’t wear clothes honey.”

Frog, “Excuse me! I’m not just a frog, I’m Kermit’s much prettier twin sister Kermita. And Miss Piggy picks out my outfits. And (turning to Son) would you please stop trying to swat me with that oar.”

Everyone gasps at discovery of frog’s ability to talk.

Mom, “Did anyone else hear that frog talk?”

Daughter, “Uh, if anyone else says no I didn’t either.”

Son stops trying to scoop frog up with his paddle and stares.

Dad, “It must be a novelty frog, someone is playing tricks on us. There is probably a microphone tied around its neck.”

Frog as it climbs into the boat with the lost oar, “Ding, you lose.  And by the way, I’m not an IT, I’m a lady. (preening her hair femininely)  Not only can I talk, I can sing.”

Kermita then proceeds to prove she can sing by singing Rainbow connection. When she is finished the family applauds.

Scene 2

Dad steers the canoe shoreward, hops out and pulls it on to land near a preset up tent. The family disembarks and looks around the shore line mystified. All that they see are two tents where they were expecting a nice enclosed cabin, complete with a kitchenette, bedrooms and electricity

Daughter, with marked hesitation in her voice, “Why are we stopping here?”

Son, “Yeah, I don’t see a cabin.”

Mom, “We’re just stopping to rest….(turning towards husband) Right, honey?”

Dad, obviously pleased with himself, “Nope, this is it.” Opening his arms wide to encompass the scenery “I wanted to surprise you but this is where we’ll be staying. The park ran out of cabins so we get to rough it like the pioneers in a tent. Isn’t this fantastic!”

Stunned silence for several seconds as mom, daughter and son stare at dad open mouthed, and then all start talking at once

Mom, “We don’t have any beds? What about my arthritis??”
Daughter, “No beds! We’ll be on the ground with the bugs and snakes! And reptiles!

Kermita,  to daughter in response to reptile remark “Watch it! After all we EAT the bugs for you, unless you want we should share them?”

Daughter holds her hand up in disgust, “No thanks, I’m good.”

Son, holding cell phone in the air and rotating himself  “We have a bigger problem here, no electrical outlets and no cell phone reception! We can’t even call for help to get us out of here!”

Mom to dad, “I thought you were going to watch the big game this weekend?”

Dad stops smiling and looking so pleased with himself. “Oh, no, I hadn’t thought of that….”

Daughter and Son, “Well at least we’re not the only ones disappointed now! How was it you were going to get to watch a game but our cell phones were going to be disabled so we couldn’t text our friends or play our games ? We thought this was going to be a family adventure?

Dad, “Watching the game is a family tradition….Oh well, I’ll live through it.” Taking out his cell phone  “I‘ll call Matt and have him record it for us.”

Everyone throws their hands in the air when dad realizes his cell phone doesn’t work and smacks himself on the forehead with his palm

.”We just said there is no reception!!”

Kermita, as she dives back into the river, “Mammals!”

 

As the family stands on the shore bickering about the tents and absence of amenities and twenty first century comforts a Park Ranger approaches them from a parked  pickup truck with the parks name painted on the side.

Ranger, “Hello folks, my name is Mike, are you the Millers.”

Dad, extending his hand “Yes sir.”

Ranger, “I see you made it here safely. We have your tents already, one for the boys and girls, and your supplies are inside. Here’s a walkie-talkie that connects you to the Park office if you need any help. It is fully charged. We don’t get phone reception out here, (at this already obvious announcement the kids and wife sigh with exasperation).  Here’s a list of precautions to take while you’re visiting with us, the most important is to make sure all campfires are out and that you conceal your food from the local wild life, usually high in a tree and pick up after yourselves.”

Son, sounding hopeful, “Can we order pizza on that thing?”

Ranger, “ ‘faid not son, this just connects you to the park office.”

Ranger rubbing his jaw and frowning, “That should be it though I feel certain there’s something I’m forgetting. Oh well, it couldn’t be important but if it comes to me I’ll contact you on the walkie-talkie.”

Daughter and Mom, “Wait! Local wild life???”

Ranger, “Don’t worry, just a few coyotes and foxes, they won’t bother you if you don’t bother them. Have good time.”

The ranger walks away muttering to himself about forgetting something.

Scene 3

Dad, clapping hands together, “Okay, let’s get this show on the road. First thing is we need to dig out our cooking gear and  gather some firewood.”

Son, mutters under his breath, “Getting on the road sounds like a great idea!” Dad ignores this

Everyone looks at the darkening sky and the thick woods. Somewhere in the distance a coyote howls.

Mom, Son and Daughter all object strenuously to embarking into the darkness for firewood so Dad ventures forth on his own into the wilderness and comes back shortly with an armful of twigs to find a fire already blazing and everyone sitting on the portable picnic table eating hot dogs, chips and cokes.

Mom, handing dad a plate of food “Sorry dear, there was enough brush around here to get a good fire going.”

Daughter, “What happened to your arm and face?”

Dad, trying to hide his arm, “Nothing serious, I just stumbled a few times and bumped into a tree or two in the dark.”

Daughter, “what happened to your flashlight?

Dad, “I dropped it when I bumped into a tree and it rolled down a steep hill”

Mom, trying to not laugh, “Well what do we do now? It’s too early for bed.”

Son, “I say we practice first aid on Dad.”

Dad, ignoring Son “This is the great part; we lie back and stare at the stars while seeing if we recognize any constellations. Here I brought a chart.”

Daughter, “I’m not lying on the ground with who knows what!”

Mom, “Come on, be a good sport. I’ll get a sleeping bag to spread out. We may never see the stars this good again at home.

Mom comes out of the girl’s tent with a sleeping bag and two cans of bug spray that she sprays everyone and the ground with causing everyone’s eyes to water and all to start coughing.

Dad, coughing and wiping his watery eyes, “Maybe it’s not too early to go to bed. We need to get some rest to go exploring in the morning.”

Mom and Dad kiss goodnight and step into the tents they share with son and daughter. Then a few seconds later Dad comes back out to extinguish the campfire and look up at the beautiful star studded sky by himself.

Scene 4

Dad gets up early the next morning and quietly wakes son up.

Dad, "Hey, let’s get up, we’re going to go fishing for breakfast."

Son, “Now? The fish aren't even up yet; it would be a shame to wake them up this early to be our breakfast."

Dad, shaking Son's shoulders, “Get dressed."

Son, "Give the fish time to get their coffee and say their morning prayers before they die." Son turns his back to Dad and snuggles down in his sleeping bag.

Dad, sighing and shaking Son harder. "Come on, this will be a nice surprise for the girls and some great alone time for us men."

Son gets up reluctantly and they head for the canoe, fishing poles in hand.

The sun rises to the two men sitting in the canoe with their rods in the river. Dad is whistling and commenting on what fun it is to catch their own breakfast like their forefathers did. Son’s head is nodding off and on as he dozes.

Son, jerking to attention as his rod tightens. “Hey. I think I got something!” He then stands up and falls over side of canoe into the water.

Kermita, swimming up to the canoe, “Don’t you know it’s not smart to stand in a canoe?”

Son, splashing in the water, “Help me, I can’t swim”

Kermita, “Just kick your legs!”

Son, as he grabs hold of the canoe. “I’m a puppet, I don’t have legs!”

Dad leans over to help pull Son up but Son pulls him overboard instead and they both splash around helplessly. Kermita shakes her head.

Kermita, “Sit up for God’s sake, the water doesn’t even come up to my knees.”

Dad, back in the canoe, “I guess we might as well go back, I don’t think our splashing encouraged any fishes to come up to us.”

Kermita, ducking under water and back up “Yes it did, they’re all under the water here laughing their heads off.”

Son and Dad notice the ripples in the water made by the school of laughing fish

Son, to dad, “This was a great alone time for us Dad, it would have been better without the frog.”

Back at the camp they find Mom and Daughter frying breakfast with a group of young girls sitting around the campfire.

Mom, “Oh, Hi dear, we thought you were still in bed. Look at the surprise we have for you. These nice little girl scouts brought us some extra fish they caught this morning. Let me fix you a plate with some coffee.”

Daughter, “Why are you guys wet?”

Dad, “We went fishing and this huge fish pulled us into the water. It gave us a terrible struggle before it got away, It must have been a twenty pounder,” dad spreads his hands wider than his shoulders to demonstrate the fish’s size. Then he turns to Son, “Let’s go get into something dry.”

Kermita, hopping up beside Mom whispers, “The big fish looked an awful lot like an old rain boot.”

Daughter, laughing, “Dad and Son caught a rain boot!”

Mom, “Now dear, let’s not tell them we know.”

Dad and Son come back to the campfire and get their plates of food while the girl scouts start singing Black Socks.

 

Scene 5

After breakfast the family goes hiking through the park.

Dad “Isn’t this fun, all of us together enjoying the wide open spaces, just like our forefathers.”

Son, “What four fathers, I thought I only had one? Who are the other ones, I might like them better”

Mom, “Very funny.”

Daugther, “Well it’s more fun than my homework assignment. I have to write a paper about Amelia Earhart. Really, How boring can that be?”

Dad, “Shhh, I thought I heard something.”  leaning down towards a bush he sees a furry nose and stumbles backward. “Run! It’s some wild animal!”  As he turns and runs a rabbit jumps out into view, followed by four more.

Son, laughing “Run faster dad, it’s a stampede!”

Dad trips over a branch, rolls down a small incline and hits his head on a log. The next thing he knows is someone is shaking his shoulders.

Dad, opening his eyes slowly, “Who are you?”

Stranger, “I’m Amelia Earhart.”

Dad, “Huh, she’s been missing for sixty years.”

Amelia, “well, actually 78 years. But I haven’t been missing; I knew exactly where I was.”

Dad, “Huh, Where were you?”

Amelia, “You are kind of fond of the word, huh, aren’t ya? To answer your question my copilot and I were intercepted by the Tardis of Dr. Who and have been traveling with him around the galaxy through space and time.”

Dad, “Dr. Who?”

Amelia, “Right. We were passing overhead when I heard my name so I came to help your daughter write her paper.”

Dad, looks at the audience for a few silent seconds and uses the universal symbol for crazy, then turns back to Amelia. “Let me get this straight, You were flying around the world, got picked up by some doctor, have been doing time travel in space for 80 years and you’re here now to help a 6^th grader write a school paper.”

Amelia, “Yeah, that sums it up. A girl has got to help a sis’ta. Now listen close…..”Amelia leans into Dad and whispers in his ear.. ……..

Dad, sits up and faces Mom who has been shaking him, “What happened, where’s Amelia?”

Mom, “Who, honey you hit your head, stay still.”

Dad, reaches for his head and finds his arm splinted, “What is going on?”

Mom, “The girl scouts heard us yelling and came and splinted your arms and bandaged your head, they left to go get the walkie-talkie to call for help.”

Dad, pulling splints off his arm and bandages off his head, “It’s just a flesh wound. Daughter and I have to get back to the tent. We’ve got a paper to write.”

Daughter, “Huh?”

Dad, “We really need to improve your vocabulary.”

 

Scene 6

Sunday afternoon and its time to go back home. Mom, son and daughter are at the river saying bye to Kermita while dad is in rented tent getting their camping gear out to the road for the Ranger pickup service.

Mom, “It sure was nice meeting you Miss Kermita.”

Kermita, “Just Kermita please.”

Daughter, “The only thing is no one at school will believe us.”

Son, to his sister while tugging at her hair “No one believes you anyway.” Sister knocks his hand away.

Daughter, looking up river, “Guys, be careful, here comes a bear.”

Kermita, “Don’t worry, that’s Fuzzy the bear, he’s a retired circus bear. He’s my bestest friend.”

Daughter, as bear wades into water and scoops up a trout “Oh, how cute, look at it fish.”

Kermita, “Come here Fuzzy and meet these nice beginner campers.”

Fuzzy comes closer and everyone pets his neck then he does a little dance while Kermita sings a song.

Kermita tosses bear another fish and he gets on hind legs raises his head to swallow the treat just as Dad comes out of tent. Dad sees a huge bear on its hind legs and ducks back inside.

Son, shaking his head and looking disappointed, “What a coward.”

Mom, “Now dear,”

Dad runs back out of tent with a cast iron skillet and bug spray shouting at the bear who drops to his feet and stares before he yawns and casually hobbles away.

Dad, huffing and puffing, “Are you guys okay?”

Son, “Yes dad, but that bear--”

Mom interrupting Son by placing her hand over his mouth and hugging dad, “Had us scared to death, thank heavens you scared him away!”  then she whispers to Son, “If you ever tell him the truth you’ll be grounded till Jesus comes back! He didn’t know the bear was tame so that makes him very brave in my eyes.”

A few minutes later the park ranger is helping load the pick up to take them back to the park office to check out.

Ranger, “Did you folks have a good time?”

Daughter, “We sure did, Dad helped me write an awesome school paper.”

Dad, “Yea, and we had an encounter with a bear this morning, we didn’t know bears were here! Don’t you think you should have warned us?”

Ranger, smacking his forehead “Oh yeah, that’s what I forgot to mention earlier, That must have been…”

Mom, daughter and Son, interrupted in unison, “Very scary, but dad was very brave and chased him away!”

Ranger, “But….”

Everyone in unison again, “And we’re very proud of him!”

Ranger, looks at everyone and gets with the program, “Yes sir, that was very brave.”

Everyone gets into the truck to head home with dad beaming and smiling from ear to ear satisfied that the campout went as well as it could.

Son, "This trip wasn't so bad after all, I wouldn't mind doing it again someday." Something goes ping in Son's knapsack, "Yahoo, We have cell phone reception again!"

foot note, A few  days later after school daughter brings home her graded paper. She got an A for the first half for accuracy of details and an A+ on the second half of her story for superb  imagination.