the flu

The Flu?

I know what wonderful sisters I've been blessed with but I wish they would just leave me alone. I've been sick before, I only have the flu. All I want to do is close my eyes and sleep till I feel better, though the way I feel death would be an improvement. 

My oldest sister just poured the fifth bowl of chicken soup down my throat with an orange juice chaser. If she gives me anymore I'll throw up. Seriously, I've already proven that five times in the last few days. She is clearing up the bedside table now and all the bowls and glasses rattle as she walks out of the room. Turning one last time at the door to look at me she makes me feel like death warmed over.

 Finally I'm alone. Kicking off the blankets she tucked around me I fluff my pillow up and roll on my side in anticipation of a wonderfully welcomed nap. The rain pattered on the roof and the thunder cracked, mimicking my mood and lulled me to a deep dreamless sleep. 

I woke up to the feel of water on my face. Damn, is the roof leaking? Cautiously opening my eyes, one at a time, I found my youngest sister giving me a scented sponge bath and weeping furiously. Our pastor was next to her patting her shoulders.

 "This is it!" I yell, "I'm out of here!" I tried to push my sister out of my way as I jumped out of bed and made a rapid exit, I practically flew, thus I failed to notice something important I left behind in bed. Something fragrant with oils used on the dead, no less. And I, myself, smelled like a pansy. Give me a break.

 I went through my very crowded living room. Why were all these people here sobbing? Crying didn't keep them from eating though:\;who brought all this food all over the kitchen table? Not my sisters, they didn't like to cook. 

 No one bothered to even say hi to me in my own home. They all looked right through me. Have my sisters gotten everyone upset about me? It was just the flu!  As I closed the front door the sound of weeping followed me down the walkway. At least it stopped raining. The sun is shining brighter than I've seen in ages. I actually feel pretty good now. That nap was magically restorative. I stretched my arms over my head and leaned from side to side. Filling my lungs with freshly laundered air I started down the path. A walk will do me good, hopefully I'll return in more lively spirits. I know I’ll have to apologize to sis. She was only trying to be helpful. I hadn't even spoken to the house guests. I know I'll get a lecture on manners as well, but hell, I didn't invite them, I didn't feel good enough for visitors.

I walked for some time going uphill and turned down a lane I'd never seen before. Strange I hadn't noticed these houses from my place; they were huge and towering over the landscape. People were out enjoying the post rain afternoon. I started seeing some familiar faces I hadn't seen in eons, so this is where they moved. 

"Hey, Old buddy, how’s it going?" 

I turned to see who had smacked my shoulder. "Hey, Fred, You're looking great, I heard you had cancer." 

"Old story, been cured!"
  

"Fantastic!" I replied. Looking around I noticed another friend a block or two away. "Isn't that Greg? I heard he had a heart attack."  

"Yep. He did. He's lucky to be here today."  

We chatted for a while as people walked by and yelled out greetings. The real estate agent that got commission for selling houses in this new addition should have been able to retire off the sale of one mansion by itself. 

"Isn't that your sister talking to someone over there?" Fred queried.  

Squinting I looked in the direction Fred was pointing. There was a haze of clouds in the air between us but I could make my sister out down in a valley talking with a man who had his back towards me.
  

She appeared really agitated with him. After a few seconds she ran into the house and my other sister came out to see the man and wagged her finger at him.  

He kept shrugging his shoulders unable to get any words into the conversation. I wish the poor guy would turn around so I could see him, all I could  see was long hair flowing over broad shoulders.

 I was beginning to feel weak again and ice cold. I must have overdone things. "Fred, I've got to go. Let's keep in touch."

"Sure thing man, see ya."  

Then something happened that's never happened to me before. I blacked out. Somewhere in the fog that filled my brain I heard someone calling my name. I shot up in bed and hit something with my head. Whatever it was flew across the room and bounced off the wall. Complete and absolute darkness surrounded me. The air had a musty aroma. I sprang out of bed, (where did the side rails come from?) and reached for my lamp but couldn’t find it. Stumbling about I couldn't feel anything but concrete walls. 

 There went my name again. "Wait a second, I'm in here!" I yelled, panic edging my voice. The door blew open and light showered in. I eagerly went to the doorway where sheer pandemonium started taking place outside.  

What the hell was going on? Shading my eyes and blinking tears back from the sunlight I heard people screaming, I caught glimpses of women swooning. Men were running around with cell phones in their hands. I heard snippets of Conversation:

"Get some ambulances here..."  

"Call the news station...." 

"Get these women off the ground..."  

"Mom , you won't believe this....."  

"Anyone got a video camera..."  

"He's back...." The sound of sirens and helicopters added to the bedlam, looking up I saw the NBC news chopper landing, looking at the street I saw ambulances parking and the paramedics pulling out stretchers. 

My sisters materialized on either side of me and helped me down some steps. Where did these steps come from? I could feel their warm tears on my cheek and hear their laughter. Good gosh, do these girls ever stop caterwauling? They were leading me to the man I'd seen them talking to earlier. I had just exited the family mausoleum. Why were we here, who died? A shattered coffin lid laid on the floor behind me. Oh my, was that my name on the plaque? The last time I checked you had to be dead to be buried. The man I was being ushered to was in front of the sun so I couldn't make out his identity but he approached me and clasping my hand in his he pulled me into an enormous hug.  

"Welcome back Lazarus." I was being personally embraced by the Resurrection and the Life, my best friend who had dined at my house often. I guess I  really did have a really bad case of the flu after all.