Humbled

I sat there quietly listening. Quietly criticizing and scoffing. What’s wrong with these people? Can’t they do anything by themselves? The lord knows I did it all by myself, never bothering him for help, begging for handouts. Yes, begging, for that’s exactly what these hokum’s are doing under the guise of prayer requests; asking for jobs, for food, for rent money, for money to take the children’s ministry to a pizza party. Give me a break; let their parent’s fork over some dough, that’s the least they could do for free babysitting so they could sit home and drink beer and squabble. I wanted a job when I was young so I went to college, got a degree, went to undergraduate school, got another degree, applied for a job competing with several other well qualified applicants, got hired based on my qualifications, climbed the corporate ladder and now I’m the big cheese, the CEO of my own law firm.

After the final amen was proclaimed, I got up and headed to the exit, shaking hands as I went. Not that I offered my hand first, but hands were shoved under my nose. The path on the way out was lined with plaques honoring me for donating the auditorium, the stained glass windows, the piano and many other tax deductions. I’d been a member of this church since I was dedicated as an infant by my mother and father. They had been really devout in their faith, praising God for all my successes. I couldn’t convince them that it was due to my own efforts that I reached the top of the world. When I bought them a new house, car and maid service they gave God the credit before they thanked me! I never got over that! Pity.

Both my parents are gone now, turned to dust, recycled into the environment, compost, worm nourishment and I’ve honored their memory long enough by attending these religious rituals. I made my decision in the prayer meeting just now, I don’t need to be here anymore, wasting my time coming here once or so a month. As much as God needs me to contribute to this church, I don’t need him and I’m tired of being used like a year round Santa Claus. With each handshake forced upon me, I silently said, “Adios, chump”, while they vocally promised to see me at the next service. Nope, not unless they plan their next service in my conference room at work where I’ll be building my empire and fortunes to higher levels.

I backed the Lexus out of my parking space for what I trusted was the last time., and I do mean my space as the name painted in luminescent white testified, I hope someone else with the same last name joins the church or this space will be growing grass. Heck this whole church practically belonged to me so it would all probably fall apart without my presence. The minister even seemed to alter his messages to avoid stepping on my toes when he spotted me in the audience; spotted me in the front row in the specially designed lounge chair custom made for me.

I only thought I had made a clean break as someone tapped on my window. I tripped the electronic window opener to open the space up between me and little Miss Isle Winsome. (Yes I know correct grammar indicates that I should mention Miss. Isle Winsome before myself, but hey, who’s more important here?) Hoping to deliver an unspoken message of urgency I only cracked the window enough for our voices to pass between us. Miss. Isle Winsome had the reputation of hearing from God audibly so I didn’t intend to spend much time with her; after all talking to God is prayer, hearing from God is psychotic, and Miss. Isle Winsome was as delusional as they came. Especially since there is no such being, as these people will discover when I disappear from their pathetically underprivileged little lives taking their so called miracles with me.

“Mr. Granger, I just wanted to give you this little token of God’s presence.” She said slipping a cross through the tiny little space I provided for her. “God informed me last night you would need this someday to get back home.”

“Oh, he did, did he? Well, I better not lose it,” I said with veiled sarcasm that a fool like Miss. Isle Winsome wouldn’t be smart enough to recognize. I accepted her gift and laid it on the seat next to me. “Thank you, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m in kind of a hurry.” I explained closing the window and pulling out into the driveway and off the property before my retreat was thwarted by anyone else with messages from their peculiar neural synapses.

Once on the freeway I hit the gas pedal. No officer in town would stop me. It seems that the police charities I contribute to might suffer a pinch if I was angered, or embarrassed by a pull over. Oh, the sweet taste of success, of world ownership! Who said the feudal system was dead? It just changed face.

It being such a pleasant day I decided to take the scenic detour home. It took me miles out of the way but even a busy man like me needs some change of scenery. And change of scenery it was. The sky ahead switched from a brilliant blue to grey, to a sort of blue-black. I could still see the brilliant summer sky behind me in the rear view mirror, but up ahead a storm was brewing that showed all the possibilities of being a doosy.

It wasn’t long before my predictions became reality when lightning bolts bounced off the earth. It was spectacular, or would have been if I’d been home watching from shatter proof windows in a residence , so big that if half of it were destroyed by a tornado there would still be room for a hundred guests, er, servants. The lightning preceded the thunder which preceded the deluge which preceded the formation of a river on the tar top, er, freeway. Unfortunately despite all my toys and inventions my car was still just a car, imagine that! I hadn’t advanced to James Bond’s all terrain vehicles that could be transformed into submergibles or boats; therefore my Lexus went with the current against its will, and mine! My insurance covers this, I hope, since I didn’t have it insured as a boat!

Further, further down the road, er, river, er whatever, I went, banging against rocks, trees, mountains, shrubs and anything that got in the way leaving hubcaps, fenders and paint chips. I must confess my eyes were closed for most of the excursion, I had long ago lost interest in the scenic detour.

Suddenly my craft came to a halt and sank downwards below water level and the interior’s air bubbled upwards leaving nothing for me to inhale except fluid which human lungs had long since lost the ability to utilize as efficiently as amphibians.

I lost consciousness and …died? That was my only reasonable explanation when I came to on the soggy, soupy ground seconds, er minutes , er , hours, later, lying beside and enormous furry creature. I sat up rubbing my head trying to recollect…how did I …where am…what did…? I had no idea; really, I mean I had no idea; my mind was an out-and-out blank, a clean slate, void of memories. Was this creature my mother, had I just been born? Would a new born know they had just been born? That’s a tough philosophical question for someone as young as me, I must be a genius.

Mom nudged me with her nose and directed me towards home; a nice dry cave complete with branches to sleep on and meaty bones from her last dinner for me to gnaw on. She tucked me in for a good night’s sleep, under her arms near her comfortingly loud beating heart and I soon fell into a peaceful slumber.

I don’t know how many moons and suns rose as I never learned to count, that wasn’t important for my survival. Finding food and shelter and keeping up with Mom were my only priorities. At first I felt a little self conscious as she seemed stronger and fuzzier than me, and talk about trees, I couldn’t climb one they way she did with her beautiful claws. I certainly couldn’t topple a mighty oak like she could; I was still on trainer trees, more like twigs with roots. I must be handicapped! A runt! No wonder Mom never takes me to see her friends. No. She loves me, a child can always tell these things. Over time I grew more fur, mostly on my face, my nails grew long and tough, body parts calloused and my muscles enlarged but I still had runt written all over me when I stood beside Mom.

One clear day at the river, Mom was lazing on the rocky shore, sunning, but not tanning, while I fished for dinner. She did the cooking last night so it was my turn this evening. I may be a runt but I do a fantastic job of setting the table, and cooking sushi is easy, after all raw fish is fireproof! Or is that foolproof? Whatever.

I chomped my teeth down on the squirming rainbow trout that I had tossed onto the ground and my teeth got snagged by something. Shaking my head, fish still in mouth, I felt something slap my cheeks so I pawed at my face. Something looped over my wrist. This fish had been wearing a necklace. What in the world? How did I know what a necklace was? I examined my find carefully. I’ve seen this before. The sun hit the metal just right and it glowed, it sparkled. It was a cross. This is the cross Miss. Isle Winsome had given me…..Hold on! What is going on here? I shook my head to clear it. It was coming back! I stared at the cross. God! God had done this to me! I believe now! God help me!

I turned slowly, fearfully. If my memory was right and I wasn’t crazy, (anymore) I would discover an enormous big hairy grizzly sitting behind me, licking its jowls at me as though I were pork chops on a platter. I may be a new believer but it might be a short lived belief!
There she was. Big and beautiful. Awesome. Staring at me like I suspected. But she wasn’t a big hairy grizzly anymore. She was Isle Winsome in all her radiance. An angel staring at me like a lost sheep she had just brought home (get the pork chop connection?). Mrs. Isle Winsome had had conversations with God after all. Personal upfront conversations. She wasn’t psychotic, though now I’m wondering about me. Isle Winsome. I’ll win some! God does have a sense of humor, I’m not sure I share it though, standing here waist deep in freezing water, a dead raw fish in my mouth, wearing tattered clothes that had cost more than some people’s unemployment checks.

I was brought back home by Miss Winsome to find no one had done an extensive search for me when I went missing three years ago. Oh, they searched, but without gusto. My partners had been happy to be relieved of my presence, my obnoxiousness, and explained to the press I had gone away for a restful sabbatical. How rude. Me that is, not them. I came to many conclusions on my quick flight home, airplaneless, mind you! What a way to travel. I had been wrong about so many things. Major things.

I had the church remove all the plaques with my name on them and rewrite them as Donated In The Name Of Jesus. He would be getting all the glory from me from now on. I had my lounge chair and personal name plate in the parking lot removed. When prayers were offered for jobs I created some in my corporation. I started spending more time in church, especially the outreach programs. Boy did I have things to teach about denying God! But I had to be careful because I’m still not sure I hadn’t been dreaming…..for three plus years! I still fish with my hands, who needs a rod and bait? And Mother’s day now has a special meaning for me, as does Easter, Christmas, Sunday, laundry day, trash day, Monday, Tuesday , Wednesday, …….

Daniel 4:28-36
Eccles. 5:1-7
Psalm 34:7
Rom. 2:1-16
James 2:1-13
2 peter 3:9

roll call

We all stopped gossiping when Ellen entered the lounge, only because she was our main topic. Several of us had been discussing her appearance lately; clothes that looked slept in, hair that needed washing and an apparent weight loss that seemed non intentional. We were having difficulties feeling sorry for her since she had such an air of superiority. We'd all been to her house at one time or another for wedding and baby showers, not because we liked her, but because we loved the guests of honor. Ellen was always more than eager to show off her latest home improvements and designer touches, therefore with every pregnancy and engagement she quickly offered her services for hosting the inevitable parties, before anyone else could speak up. She did indeed have a magnificent home, well decorated and roomy enough for all of us to gather in for festivities. And she did indeed love to flaunt it.

I'm sure Ellen knew we were discussing her since the air changed rapidly in the room. After all, she'd sat at the same table when someone else was the target of loose tongues, inspired by her observations. Come on, we all do it, talk about those not present, don't we? She poured a cup of coffee and sat at another table, appearing interested in the magazine on the table top. What an act, I knew she wasn't really interested in a Field and Stream periodical; they didn't have ads for home décor!

I had just made myself another cup of tea when the familiar roll call sounded over the intercom. We were being asked to go home early, again. Hospital census was down due to the recent recession. Lost jobs meant lost insurance, which meant no elective surgeries, which meant no postings, which meant not enough cases to go around which meant we could go home early occasionally (i.e everyday.)For me that was fine, I'd succeeded in paying off my house and car. I had only one mouth to feed, well, actually, one human mouth and four canine mouths, but they were little canines, they hardly ate much. Throw in some shoes, books and furniture legs and they did fantastic.

My first stop on my way home was at the book store, I'd been eyeing a new devotional book there for some time and decided I'd procrastinated long enough. While there I meandered to the back of the store where a group was gathered around some counters demonstrating tarot cards. Just see if christians could gt permission to demonstrate the Lord's Supper!

"Want a reading?" I was asked by a wacky looking man with long hair, scars, piercings and demonic tattoos ( literally; tattoos of demons)..

"No, thanks," I politely declined.

"Why not? It won't hurt," he responded. "You might have an interesting future." He said enticingly.

"Hey, I guess you're pretty rich then," I suggested.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well if this helps you predict the future you should have been real prepared for this recession." I explained, I then got a sour look as he turned his attention to some more willing participant.

Lots of young impressionable kids and spellbound adults were all hovering around getting readings. Some of the tarot card practioners looked like people I would meet in Sunday school. . I didn't need a reading from some cards to know my future, as a Christian I was positive where I was going by reading the book. I clutched my devotional book and scurried out, praying for the lost souls behind me. I could feel the presence of Satan's minions suspended in the air causing my blood to curdle. Oops, I almost forgot to pay for my book! Silly me, but it would have been the devil's fault.

Next I headed to the grocery store where I loaded up my shopping cart with over priced delectable's trying to remember the current list of off limit products. Let's see, I don't need contaminated baby formula, strawberries, peanut butter, spinach, mercury saturated tuna fish, recalled dog food, meat tainted with mad cow disease, hell, I'd be mad too if I was the primary protein source for the globe, like the add says, let them eat chicken! Then again, chicken has had its' day of bad publicity. I selected produce with a prayer upwards that God would protect me from unwise choices in this age of pollution and uncertainty.

My last stop before heading home was the gas station. As my car guzzled in its life giving fluid I caught sight of someone....No, it must have been a look alike. Casting my eyes about the parking lot I saw it; Ellen's van. That must have been her going into the rest room....with a towel and toiletry bag. Returning the nozzle to its resting place I decided I needed a pit stop myself.

Inside the bathroom I found Ellen and her daughter at the sink, washing their faces and brushing their teeth. It was a rather awkward moment....for them, not me. I was puzzled not embarrassed. Ellen stuttered something about the plumbing in her house being repaired and they were just here for a fix up. I wasn't fooled. When I casually went out of my way to walk past her van I noticed...after pressing my face to the tinted windows...that the car was crammed with personal possessions . An air mattress covered the back end under rumpled blankets and clothes, a portable grill was on the front seat and sacks of canned and boxed groceries lined the back seats.

I just drilled Ellen with the look; you know what I mean, the universal look that has so many different meanings for every occasion.

Ellen lowered her head and confessed, "Without the over time I'd gotten used to at work I couldn't make my house payments anymore. Janice and I have been living out of our car for the past few weeks."

I was shocked. That lovely house we had all been so jealous of, that Ellen had been so proud of, had gone back to the bank. Well, now I was sure there was a God in heaven. This was wonderful. I could barely keep from gloating. I chivalrously murmured my hypocritical condolences and hastily retreated back to my car where my cell phone was. I had calls to make, people to update, gossip to proliferate. Reputations to ruin. My evening was looking up. Unfortunately for me my cell phone was next to the bag I had gotten at the book store. You know, the bag with the devotional book I'd wanted. The book that honed your attention on God and his will. Drat it all. I returned to the restroom , slower the second time around as my feet were weighted down with upcoming regrets, and offered to take Ellen and her daughter into my humble home. They would still need the air mattress, I informed them, and we would be a little cramped, but it was better than living on the streets in a car. Ellen was definitely taken aback and I could see hope cross Janice's strained sixteen year old face.

Ellen must have suspected what we girls at work had thought of her superior airs and just requested that I take her daughter in till she could get on her feet again.

"Nope," I answered, "This is a package deal, I either take the both of you or none at all."

To Janice's relief Ellen agreed to the "temporary offer". She insisted it wouldn't take long to get herself sorted out. It was a happy duo that trotted back to their van and followed me home. I on the other hand prayed for a quick release from my momentary insanity. God, please make this short-term. Why did you let me do this? I can't believe I'm so impulsive, what was I thinking? If I was flexible I'd kick myself in the ....where ever I could swing my foot.

We worked out a routine over the subsequent weeks. No one at work suspected we were co habituating, I agreed to keep Ellen's confidence and she agreed (nonverbally) to be free slave labor. I didn't have to cook or clean. (Actually that wasn't much of a change from my regular custom but this time my house was really getting cleaned and I was eating home cooking.) My expenses went up somewhat but Ellen was contributing to the kitty, and I grew to love Janice. It was fun having a teenager in the house again. Did I really say that? Oh, my gosh, don't let my daughter ever get wind of that! And Ellen provided some wonderful touches to my home. She filled in my dirt yard with a concrete patio, added some solar lights, potted plants and poof , a nice little garden of Eden sprang up before my eyes, minus the snakes. I was definitely getting my money's worth and receiving more than I was giving. This was working out pretty good for me. It was my turn to flaunt my little habitat, now I can see how easy it is to feel pride in your home.

Ellen and Janice came with me to bible studies where I tended to feel a little hypocritical since I had slandered Ellen's name at work in the past. But thank heavens we have a God that causes us to eat our words and actions and teaches us the meaning of repentance. Ellen genuinely forgave me and apologized herself for her foolishness in submitting to the demons of boast and pride.

Meanwhile the recession wasn't abating. Things were getting tougher in the world at large and I was glad to not be alone. People were getting laid off, crime was going up, (I couldn't believe that was possible) food prices were soaring, elderly retired people were job hunting with the twenty year old college grads to supplement their vanishing retirement accounts. And Ellen, Janice and I grew into an odd family.

The temporary living conditions had become a relative term. My den had been transformed into Ellen and Janice's bedroom with furniture they had taken out of storage and she had stopped apartment hunting. And at work we were hearing the roll call more and more often. We all feared lay offs were pending. Oh the sweet aroma of fear. I still clung to my believes that God would not let me down, me or any other believer, despite the discouraging news reports from worldly announcers and predictors. The words coming from the lips of our new president were pleasant to hear, but as of yet we weren't seeing much progress.

One afternoon in October as we gathered in the break room (as a part of my self improvement project I had given up gossip, and no it wasn't easy) I heard a loud noise and glanced at Ellen. She had heard it also, but it didn't seem anyone else had so we shook our shoulders and went back to our discussions. Then we, Ellen and I, heard it again. There was unquestionably something going on somewhere.

Something that only Ellen and I heard......Roll call. We were being called to go home...again. No finally. "Ellen. Marcy. Come on over." A loud thundering voice from somewhere above invited, mimicking Bob Barker in the Price is Right. I didn't even have a chance to blink my eye before it happened, I was answering roll call up yonder, on the other side of eternity singing When The Roll is Called up Yonder I'll be There!; with more than just blind faith but total devotion and conviction, in a giant crowd of recession survivalists who were all in line before a great white throne being handed their non perishable and uncontaminated rewards.


Duet. 28
Pro. 11:25
Pro. 26:20
Psalm 68:6
Gal. 5:16-25
1 Thes. 4:15-18
1 pet 1:22-25

reunited

”There you go, old girl," I declared opening the gate. An enormous pachyderm lumbered through the opening with a joyous infant that could have been a poster child for obesity, hanging on to her tail for dear life. After her encounter with the alligator she was determined to never let her mom out of sight again. They headed straight to the mud bath; no delay, no questions asked, no invitation needed. People pay good bucks to be dunked or wrapped in wet dirt; these guys get it for free, twenty four hours a day on demand. Several other long nosed relatives stampeded over to greet the newcomer, trumpeting enthusiastically. Other groups of animals trotted about, intermingling in ways they wouldn’t have done before they arrived here, frolicking in the sun, splashing in the water, rolling in mud, swinging from trees. No sentry on duty to alert to danger, as they would never again be a possibility. I recognized several primates, no; they just looked like guys I used to date! Just kidding. No really, they did resemble...no, I better stop that. I could get in trouble for just considering dating. Dating is not allowed. I must remember that!

On my side of the fence, in the courtyard, dogs and cats who were awaiting their owners were interacting playfully. Kittens, puppies, old dogs and old cats, though I couldn't tell them apart. The elderly had all been checked out by the Vet and were acting like kids, well like puppies and kittens again; licking areas that they hadn't been able to reach in years. Some of the mammals were seeing and hearing things they hadn't seen in years, delighted that some things never change!

I glanced down the road and saw a new admission running from the office. Running and tripping over himself, doing cartwheels and looking to see if anyone was as impressed as he was with his antics. Leaping and prancing, barking and yapping. He was obviously pleased with his visit at the vets. Pleased? He was nothing but a mass of shaking, furry, drooling delight. He had been too long in arriving, his sixteen year old composition of minerals (commonly referred to as a body) had been rearranged to perfection. Cataracts had been removed, his ears had been unstopped, and his joints had been re-lubed. Talk about a lube job; those knees and hips were going wild! His kidneys had been replaced and were working again, after all what fun was there in passing a fire hydrant, or tree, or shoe, without leaving your calling card! Or, without getting whacked on the head with a rolled up newspaper, ( We don’t get newspapers here anyway). What a Vet! What skilled hands!

In the midst of his exhilaration he stopped leaving skid marks in the grass. His ears went up. His tail wagged with more gusto; how was that possible? He wagged his rear appendage with such vigor it could shoot an airplane into orbit! I could tell, (only because I’ve seen this scene unfold daily, hourly, ect ect) that he was delighted about something. Some scent, some recognition, some forgotten memory forcing itself on him. His nose twitched, his head turned from side to side with sensory overload. He was determined to pin point the familiar aroma. There! There they were; a black and white Shitz Su and a brown shepherd/chow mix, quarrying at the base of a large tree, dirt flying everywhere, no one to stop them. Were they looking for China? If so, they’d never get to it from here! By the way, that chow really got around, half the dogs here were part chow, someone should see to getting that guy neutered, or keeping him in a crate!


The Shitz Su, Nikki, and shepherd, Shep, (Yeah, I know the name lacked originality but, hey, I didn’t name him!) stopped in their task, mid paw. The dirt settled. They too smelled something vaguely identifiable from their past. Their ears stood at attention also, as they slowly turned their heads. Eyes met eyes, met eyes. Tongues fell out, well, not literally but they did hand down to their chests, something mine won‘t do even though I wish it could, especially when I spill ice cream on myself! Twelve feet boosted all three dogs into the same direction. I shrank backwards in anticipation of the inevitable head on head on head collision, covering my face with my hands.
Nothing. Uncovering my eyes I wasn’t disappointed as I watched the three friends tumbling and tumbling, nipping and nipping. Don’t even ask me to reveal what their tongues and noses were doing! I’ll just say that it’s only impure to the impure in heart! Oh, I never get tired of watching old buddies reunite.

Excellent. The bell is ringing for pick up. Someone is here for their pet or pets. It’s about time; we need to make room for the next load of incoming. No complaints here, we’re a fully functioning No Kill animal shelter. Probably the best one in the universe.

There She was, looking disoriented. All these dogs, cats, gerbils, hamsters and other hairy soul mates coexisting peacefully in this gargantuan, animal friendly, pet park. It takes the mind some time to comprehend what the eye is seeing. To believe in the impossible, the long hoped for. She was fearful to let her guard down for one moment, terrified there had been a mistake made. No mistake. Not here. Not on this side of the rainbow!

I approached her with confidence of the outcome, and a deep-rooted smile on my heart. This also was something I would never weary of; seeing the jubilation that was about to break forth. I retrieved the receipt from her trembling out stretched hands. Fantastic. I knew just where these guys were. Placing two fingers in my mouth, stretching it to the maximum, I let the loudest, merriest sound burst forth from my lungs.

Joyful pandemonium is the only description available for what ensued. The three newly unified pals stopped slobbering over each other and raced forward, the other animals parting politely to let them through, hardly able to contain their anticipation that the next pick up would be for them. The girl jumped up and down in excitement, yelling their names over and over again. She never in her wildest dreams thought those names would ever leave her lips again. And here they were racing towards her, closer, closer. Bang. A tangle of bodies landed on the ground. As I said before I’d never tire of this scene; Thank heavens, since this is only the zillionth time to day I’ve witnessed a happily ecstatic get together. (Yes, the zillionth, I know how to count. No really, don’t look at me like that, I really mean the zillionth!)

I’m not supposed to be able to cry, so don’t tell my superior about the tears of ecstasy flooding my face. I’d be laughed out of the barracks I share with ten thousand other angels that live on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. The bridge where deceased pets and their owners come together again and cross on over to the gates of Heaven. After all, it really wouldn’t be heaven without our soul mates, now would it?

Luke 12:6
genesis 9:14-17
genesis 1:20-25
psalm 50:9-11
job 12:7-10
psalm 136:25