Sunday, November 29, 2009

the kitchen table



I smothered a yawn before standing up from my morning nap then made my way out the door with the rest of the salmon swimming upstream. It seemed everyone was more eager heading towards the exits than they had been going towards the entrances earlier. I was beginning to wonder why I bothered getting out of bed on Sunday morning; Sunday school and church were the same old same old, I could just replay them in my mind stretched out on my soft, Tempur- Pedic mattress and not mess with the chore of getting dressed up to take a snooze during the service. I had actually gotten church sleeping down to a fine art, I doubt anyone near me even knew I was sleeping, I thought, ignorant of the fact that I snore! But even that was alright; unless the congregants near me had their hearing aids turned up no body heard me.

I used to look forward to Sunday school so I could learn something new or debate (play the devil’s advocate) some questionable scriptures to invigorate the thinking process but lately it’s turned into an old hen’s meeting room. I get enough of that at work; Sunday school should be less worldly. That’s just my opinion for all it’s worth.

The church service is so routine once the singing is over (and its always the traditional songs the white hairs liked, since the majority rules) I’m able to manage a semi productive state of consciousness after I study the weekly bulletin looking for volunteer opportunities I didn’t expect to find. Just a list of thank you’s from survivors of those recently departed, who had received condolence cards; with an occasional mention of a new grandchild; the parents attended other places of worship.

The monotony was killing me. I just couldn’t figure out why I was the only one affected till I shook hands with some members on the way out one afternoon, (in the middle of a summer melt down) their hands were so cold I discovered I was the only member who still had a pulse rate higher than 50! I wasn’t in church, I was in limbo, and this building was the midpoint between heaven and earth! Eeeek, to quote a once popular movie, “I see dead people and they don’t even know their dead!” I quickly sanitized my hands and drove home for the last time from this mausoleum.

I had no inner qualms the next few Sunday (twelve Sundays actually) sitting at my kitchen table reading from one of my many bibles, all King James, but in different commentaries. I was getting more worshipping God by myself while drinking coffee than I had in the brick building on the corner of the street. Yet something was missing….interaction. I prayed for guidance.

My son called one morning while at sat at my kitchen table drinking coffee, eating cinnamon rolls and having my devotional to inform me he had joined a church, after his announcement, when I recovered from choking on my coffee, I asked if he had the wrong number! When I ascertained he really was my son I fell on my face in gratitude to answered prayers, thank you God for finding him again, and his wife also. I had prayed for this event for years and years and …you get the picture! The only fly in the soup was the denomination; it wasn’t the one I had raised my children in. Oh well, at least he had his feet back in the door, maybe he would expand his horizons till he joined a proper, more acceptable church. I kept praying for him.

He then had the nerve to keep inviting me to come with him to his church. No, I’d had enough of boring church services to last me a terrestrial life time, God and I were doing all right at my kitchen table, but I was genuinely pleased that he had found the Lord again after his years of dessert wanderings. After all, anything he learned now wasn’t repetitive at this point as it had become for me.

Buck, my son, became almost annoying; every time I ran into him he would mention his church attendance, as if I cared to hear every little detail, knowing he was going was more than enough for me. He even turned down some family activities in lieu of church! He was hot for God. If my old church had kept the fires burning I never would have walked out.

Alright, in favor of getting some relieve from his pious harassment I finally agreed to meet Buck and Sissy for a Friday night church gathering, well, it did include a dinner and I had to eat sometime. (Seriously, if you saw me you’d know I didn’t have a problem finding time to eat!)

I was instantly impressed by the atmosphere that slapped me in the face when I crossed the threshold of the entrance hall. There were people milling about drinking coffee they got from a refreshment station that included sweets, my favorite ingredient of the food chain. Everyone came up to say hi to me, not in a stampede mind you, that would have scared me off as shy as I am, but one at a time as I hunted for my son and his wife. Everyone seemed to know him, even though he was a relatively new member. I found him in the back, (how clever, he made me transverse through the crowded foyer to get the feel of things on my own, I couldn’t fault his conniving ways, I knew who he inherited them from!) He had also invited his step brothers, who had brought their kids.

The service was held in the atrium, it was a come as you are meeting they held every Friday night, and the turnout was phenomenal for a Friday night, you know, date night, family night, travel night, payday night. I didn’t know it was come as you are meeting or I would have dressed more casual, like my daughter in law who was in her pajamas! Well to be honest, they were the kind that you really had to guess at, so its not as bad as it sounds. It’s just that “I” knew they were her sleepies, and I couldn’t wait for blackmail time!

Okay, I enjoyed myself so much I came back Sunday morning for Sunday school. (Should I have told you this when you were sitting down?) The class was enormous and organized around a kitchen table! Bigger than the ones that are in average households but a kitchen table none the less, hence the name “Around the Kitchen Table Class.” (Okay, maybe they had several tables joined together) They had my favorites there also, coffee and treats. It was informal and organized at the same time, go figure. The table even provided writing pads and pens for note takers like me who always forgets to bring writing pads and pens! And the teacher, well the teacher was the whole class. I learned that every Sunday someone gets a chance to present something about God (or what he expects of us) that they feel would appeal to the class. The topics are so diverse there’s not a chance of getting bored! There goes my nap time.

A clipboard was passed around during the lesson to update members on things like….volunteer work and upcoming activities! I poured over the pages with drool running down my chin; how attractive! There were birthing sets to produce; clean blankets, examining gloves, and disinfectant soap sent to third world countries that needed sanitary equipment for mothers in delivery (made at the kitchen table during class), crafts to make and sell to raise money for charities in the community (made at the kitchen table during class), homebound members that needed chores done, homeless people that needed servers at dinner time in a local shelter, imminent holidays that needed supplies and lastly volunteers to host dispossessed women that come to the church one night a week for a safe place to get a meal, a shower and sleep over before being sent off with a warm breakfast from the kitchen table.

I pulled out my IPhone. Not to rudely do some texting or game playing but to schedule into my calendar things that appealed to me. I was amazed; I now had church activities scheduled into my life. Things to be done for God or in God’s name! Outreach. Community service. Fellowship. Worshipping the Son with my son.

Needless to say I started coming back to church, and what’s more, my dad came with me. Being semi homebound he hadn’t been to church in years, but the Friday night thing became a pot of gold found at the end of a rainbow for dad, or found at the end of his spiritually dead life. Ezekiel didn’t see anything when he witnessed the valley of dried bones being reunited compared to dad’s revival! Dad had been a choir boy in his youth and never missed a Sunday that he was home from war or temporary tours of duty when I was growing up but his deteriorating health conditions have slowed him down considerably making getting out of bed in the mornings a tremendous chore, but for the Friday night come as you are special he was able to get into the foyer with his walker, no frightening stair way limited his access, and he was able to participate in communion for the first time in decades. His estrangement from communion had always vexed me so I knew it bothered him. Knowing he couldn’t eat or drink dad stayed in his seat during the communion service the first time he attended. The servers, unaware that dad couldn’t eat or drink due to a feeding tube issue, brought communion to where he was sitting. When he was offered the body and blood of Jesus he touched it to his lips and disposed of it in a Kleenex. Wipe that shock from your face, God understands. (And apparently so did the communion servers, which meant a lot to him!)

Now when I sit at my kitchen table for my time with God it’s just for hors d'oeuvres before I go to the bigger kitchen table for a full course meal. I just pray that no one from my past learns I switched denominations or that maybe my new church will convert over to my old denomination. Don’t laugh, apparently God hears my prayers, after all we (God and me) got my son back into his fellowship!!! And he in turn got his step brothers, me, his granddad and eventually his sister there. What a fireball.

Luke 9:49-50
John 1:43-51
Rom 10:15
Rev 3:14-22

Monday, November 16, 2009

now where did i put that

I felt my blood pressuring rising. With the rise in blood pressure I felt my patience level evaporating. I know I had them here somewhere! I lifted another sofa cushion, looked in my purse once more, and toured the house again scanning shelf and table surfaces. Nothing. It’s always when I’m in a hurry, never when I’ve got time to spare. To be absolutely honest, it seems I’m always in a hurry.

“Here they are,” My husband called, from another room.

“Where were they? “ I asked snatching the set of keys ungratefully from his clutch.

“By the back door,” he answered as I swished out of the house without a courteous thank you. No time for common civility, I was already running late.

My first stop: the bank. I waited in line for the first available teller, and of course I waited patiently, not! When I was finally granted access to the Supreme Being (making a little more than minimum wage) behind the counter who had access to my money I frantically searched my purse and wallet for the check I had intended to cash. You think I could have been ready after waiting twenty minutes in line! But no, I was sure the check was in my possession. It seems I only thought I pocketed the darn thing before leaving home.

After my pointless trip to the bank I headed to the dollar store to get some cleaning supplies and doggy treats. At the checkout I opened my wallet to retrieve my bank card. No. I opened my wallet to find an empty slot where my bank card had been till yesterday when I got gas and replaced the card in my pants pocket till I got home where I had intended to reunite it with my wallet. I really had planned to put it back! I had to use a credit card instead for my purchases. At least I hadn’t misplaced that yet, but there was still time, the day was relatively young and I wasn’t.

At length I reached my dad’s house. I was taking him for a movie and exercise, which consisted of walking from the far end of the parking lot with his walker to the ticket stand. Every little bit of muscle usage kept him fit as an eighty four year old fiddle. Several kind (nosy butt-in-skies) people pointed out the handicapped parking spots I could have used. Did they think the handicap sticker on my car was because I was legally blind? With strained graciousness I politely thanked them and between gritted teeth explained that exercise has kept dad able to stay at home instead of in a nursing home on Medicare spending their tax dollars. The looks I got. Don’t blame me that people can’t mind their own business and I have to set them straight. They managed to get some chuckles however as they watched me hunt for my movie gift cards; I had to lose my place in line to trek back to my car (way at the end of the parking lot) to get them but at least I had them. This day can’t end soon enough!

At home again! My two dogs, a Shih-Tzu and black lab, met me at the door and were all giddy about the prospect of a neighborhood jaunt. How could I refuse their liquid black eyes all soft and wistful, plus I couldn’t deny the pleasure a relaxing stroll would bring my hassled soul. But first, I must find that mislaid check and bank card! After thirty minutes I found the check stuck between other papers in my (un)organized desk caddy and after frisking several of my pants I finally stumbled on the bank card on top of my make up case. Good place for it.

The dogs. They still were looking forward to their neighborhood patrol, now I had lost interest, but not heart, I couldn’t disappoint them, what a pushover I was for hang dog expressions. Two dogs, one leash. I won’t assault your ears with the words that exploded reflexively from my lips. While being followed by two exuberantly barking canines I opened drawers, closed drawers, searched the same counter tops I searched earlier for my car keys, looked under sofas while being licked in the face, inside dog kennels, under doggie mattresses while being sniffed in the....never mind, any where a dog might hide a chew toy, any where I might hide a chew toy. I found it! Where? Under the passenger car seat, (don’t ask!)

Today I’ve lost my patience, temper, manners and everything in between but thank heavens I haven’t lost my bed, I thought as I crawled exhaustedly under the covers, being thankful that tomorrow was another day. My eyes popped open at that concept. I don’t need another day like this! “Oh, God, please make tomorrow better!” I pleaded as I plummeted into slumber with the feeling of the all too familiar gastric reflux producing a vague ache in my sternum.

I awoke peacefully feeling absolutely wonderful. All my aches and pains had vanished, I felt years younger and pounds lighter, so light I felt as though I was floating on air. I stretched to shake my husband awake and found and empty space. Lots of empty space. The whole house in fact had vanished along with my aches, pains and pounds. I wasn't in Kansas anymore! Or anywhere close to the planet earth. There were people milling about in white gowns forming a line in front the largest pearl I’ve ever seen. Man, the oyster that formed that pearl had to have been big enough to end world hunger all by itself.

I hadn't gone to sleep with indigestion! If I’d known I was going to die in my sleep I would have dressed better. Another thought hit me as I watched the shrinking line. I patted myself down; nothing. No purse, no pockets, no underwear; no place to carry my proof of.....I ran to the edge of the cloud and attempted to dive back down. Bong. Bong. Each attempt to dive downwards was met by an impassable current of air causing me to belly flop. I was trapped. Trapped in heaven! Trapped in heaven waiting to enter the great white mother of all pearls.

An angel with a clipboard walked...(floated)... by and gave me a good long stare. "Something wrong?"

"You bet, I need to get down there, I forgot something very important!" I begged, trying desperately to part the clouds so I could get a view of my home, er, my old home.

"Darling, your time on earth is done, no return trips allowed."

"But I don't have my proof of...." I felt a panic attack rising from the tips of my toes to my head.

"Proof of what?"

"I need to go find my proof of salvation!" I begged. “I don't remember where I placed it!

The angel glanced at the papers in her hand and giggled, "Oh, you're the one that loses everything, you were actually our favorite reality show, we’ll miss you" she said, then patted me on the shoulder comfortingly, "But rest assured darling, the one thing you can never lose is your salvation, God has fool proofed that, you’ve been permanently stamped, sealed and delivered to his kingdom, now will you please take your place in line. Oh, and welcome to eternity.”

Wow, I was so relieved to know that for once I had been unable to lose something that I over looked the fact, (barely), that my first encounter with an angel resulted in my practically being called a fool.

I looked at the row of former people ahead of me, remembered how much I hated lines down there and sighed. Well, hopefully this was the last line ever I would have to transverse I thought as I marched towards the Pearl of all Pearls, unmindful that the halo that had rested on my skull had slid off and sunk deep down under cover of the clouds while the angel watched, delightedly. Apparently some things never change, even in heaven!

John 10: 28-29
Ephesians 1:3-6
Ephesians 1 :13-14